john

johnegbert

he/him | 19 | magician in disguise. you can read more on my carrd, stellular, and telegraph.


you can ask or tell me things here. isn't that fun?

(🍏) a fact about me. (πŸ“—) a movie recommendation. (πŸ§ͺ) a song recommendation. (πŸ‡) a random rabbit breed. i don't mind any kinds of other questions. you can send me a color from this image linked here and tell me your opinion on me if you'd like, too!


πŸ§ͺ 🍏 hellooo!

hey again andrew! for a song rec, you get suburban home by descendents! a fun fact about me... is that i have a special interest in punk. mostly band knowledge but i'm a massive nerd for learning everything about the early movement.

how do you feel about this being us

i think i feel pretty good about it! this should be a thing. :D

ok, i think that's all done. back to our regularly scheduled programming.

i just realized posts are a thing, hey everyone! i think i'm going to redo my layout.

tg 1726759335271

do you plan on inhabiting my inbox again

i'm like a bird and i'm building a nest right now. i'm not a current inhabitant but i'll definitely flutter in and out before i make my home there. you'll see me soon, i bet. :)

an anonymous pal 1726758798694

can i perform an illegal transgender surgery on you in the bathroom like an impulsive haircut

yeah sure but make sure it looks really bad so i can become the next oli london in terms of internet fame (not transphobia).

an anonymous pal 1726758752732

would you like to consider the visual of a certain bright orange political figure doing poppers

i'm considering and i've decided that this is an ASS visual.

an anonymous pal 1726758715953

do you think sniffing sharpies has anything to do with the upcoming election

not the election itself but the outcome of the election i'm sure. there's a lot that sniffing sharpies leads to.

an anonymous pal 1726758689993

i would like a four page analysis on the effects of sniffing sharpies on the global economy

best i can do is like, four paragraphs. i have ideas for this maybe some day i'll actually do it.

an anonymous pal 1726758626205

do you think the homoerotic tension between donald trump and joe biden will ever progress any further? or are they destined to hatefuck forever?

i think they're doomed, in the sense that they can never have any kind of public relationship. maybe they'll continue to call and pine. that's my best guess.

an anonymous pal 1726758406649

hypothetically, if you were to have two marbles stuck in your asshole and a weeks worth of unshat shit backed up in there, what would you do? you cant go to the doctor or shit it out on your own

i'd call up my buddy and i'd hook him up with cave diving gear. it's time to go spelunking.

heh. [πŸ’€].

hi billie! a fun fact about me is that i can play three instruments. i am good at trumpet, i can play the piano, and i can play the guitar!

tg 1726687058577

imagine a brillo pad the size of the universe. now imagine that instead of steel wool it is made of piss and shit

now imagine that pad being dragged across your brain for the perpetuity of existence

so, exactly what's happening to you now? i think that'd suck. i might turn out like dave strider, and that'd be the worst.

tg 1726686908407

whyd you hide all this mold in my caprisun

i'm really early to mold march this year, my apologies. :(

tg 1726686834722

please be nice to my caprisun trauma induced alter

caprisun trauma induced alter 2024 never forget.

tg 1726686823333

are you ever going to show sympathy for my caprisun trauma?

no i don't think so.

tg 1726685547884

my only two asks are "get preggo pls" and "why are you participating in this terrible horseshit" get in my asks and be creative i dont have all day

GIVE ME A SECONNDDDD!!!

tg 1726685497461

my inbox is dry do you plan on returning the favor anytime soon

give me a damn sec.

tg 1726685451309

i dont think sneakerina wants to be stranded in space with the likes of you

i'll have you know that sneakerina and i are very well acquainted, and she's a gem to me. she likes me a lot and i'm sure there is no one else she'd rather spend her space time with.

tg 1726685281108

if nobody buys the third tennis shoe what do you plan on doing with it

probably going to turn it into a fun buddy to hang out with. i'll call her sneakerina.

tg 1726685258796

gummy bears yellow cake or ribbed condoms

ribbed condoms but only because i can't have gummy bears and i dislike cake.

tg 1726684857394

furries?

furries! i support them, sure.

tg 1726684824603

jonkle your own fucking nuts

no the hell i am not.

tg 1726684817137

im not talking about ball jonkling btw dont get it twisted

ball jonkling is an immoral act, yes.

tg 1726684804776

what does it mean again help me out here

figure it out yourself, boy.

tg 1726684797588

i forgot what jonkling actually meant wait

it's ok take your time.

tg 1726684788880

honest opinion on jonkling

immoral act but so so tempting, always.

an anonymous pal 1726684705146

would it be an insult to you if we insinuated you were somehow related to a stupid fucking rabbit

absolutely not.

an anonymous pal 1726684572794

would it be an insult to you if we insinuated you were somehow related to a majestic stallion

oh my GOD. i am not answering all of these.

an anonymous pal 1726684294982

would it be an insult to you if we insinuated you were somehow related to a majestic stallion

NO MOOOORE!!!!!!!!!!

an anonymous pal 1726684188932

You mentioned on your main page that you are answering questions here if I want to steal a gander. However, I have no interest in pilfering geese, so I fear you are wasting your time here.

this is pretty fucking good man i'll give you that.

an anonymous pal 1726684168309

To the nearest 0.05 yoctometre, what is your Schwarzschild radius?

an anonymous pal 1726684117072

in the picture of the football player and the horse which do you think would win the fight, or would they just destroy the universe in their struggle?

i think the horse is an infinitely stronger being. it could probably create a rip in space.

an anonymous pal 1726683910714

Do you like buffalo wings?

yes, actually! they're very yummy.

an anonymous pal 1726683903738

Are you ever afraid that one of your many internet fans/stalkers is going to track you down and build a tent on your lawn and just watch you all day?

unironically this has almost happened to me and i'd gladly explain the story some day, but no i am not afraid of this. cyberstalkers usually lose interest in me after a while.

an anonymous pal 1726683894157

I am trying to impress you with my wit-riddled questions. Would you agree that I am being a "smooth customer" about this?

hehe smooth customer. yeah sure you're charming me.

tg 1726683838041

who would win in a fist fight, you or jeph jacques

probably me. i'd knock him silly.

an anonymous pal 1726683816096

On what sort of things would you give the name General Discomfort?

this is a confusingly worded sentence. i would say that a lot of things bring me general discomfort but especially these anonymous asks.

an anonymous pal 1726683803526

How come the first two Truffle Shuffle maneuvers are just colossal wastes of time, but the Double Truffle Shuffle Trouble and the Triple Truffle Shuffle Scuffle are ludicrously powerful?

the more words, the more power they have.

tg 1726683767182

does it make you sad that someone thinks you tie with jeff fucking jaques at anything

jeph jacques you mean? i have not read his webcomic. i hardly know anything about the dude.

an anonymous pal 1726683748634

would it be an insult to you if we insinuated you were somehow related to a majestic stallion

no more.... please..........

an anonymous pal 1726683731153

where did the wise-guru-on-a-mountaintop comic trope originate from

good question! most likely folk tales passed down orally for generations! stories shift but the important plot points stick out and transfer to other stories. i think that this was likely a cultural story origin.

tg 1726683701329

teddy bears or security blankeys

this is actually hard. i own a teddy bear, a very big one, from very early childhood. my baby blanket was thrown out ago but it still holds a very near and dear place in my heart. i think if i had to choose i'd choose teddy bear, but it's an interesting question.

an anonymous pal 1726683661310

would it be an insult to you if we insinuated you were somehow related to a majestic stallion

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

an anonymous pal 1726683636762

when you woke up today is this how you envisioned spending any part of your wednesday day

no, but i'm ok spending it answering funny asks from my pal dave.

an anonymous pal 1726683546398

would it be an insult to you if we insinuated you were somehow related to a majestic stallion

STOP THIS.

an anonymous pal 1726683518162

I am trying to decide which is the better Marvin Gaye song:"Let's get it on" or "Sexual Healing." Both are distinct treatments of essentially the same topic, so I am trying to come up with alternative qualifiers for which is better. Thoughts?

let's get it on is better!!!!!!!!

an anonymous pal 1726683495556

Who's your favorite Wilson? Owen, Luke, or the other one?

just wilson, like the guy from don't starve.

an anonymous pal 1726683477698

Why don't you like Wes Anderson's directing?

where are you getting these questions from? so curious. anyways i like it, but it's not my favorite style.

This profile has published this warning:

hey! quick disclaimer before you enter, sorry. i have nsfw asks on my profile, so you'll be seeing those.


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