My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost five months, and it seemed wonderful at first. But eventually we started to drift away from each other. I feel like I have to force every conversation with him, have to text him first, have to wait for him to tell he he has plans.. after tending to them. He disappears for random periods of time, refuses to communicate with me about them, and has only been consistent with keeping my friends in check when they comment on our relationship. I don't think he really prioritizes me as much as I wish he would. It's currently been eight days since he's last texted me, and he disappeared mid conversation with no explanation, warning, nothing. Every time he does something like this, he apologizes and promises to do better. And I always believe him, only to see no change. A part of me feels that we need to break up, but I rely on him a lot more than I'd like to for love and support. I don't know how to end things and force myself to get over the boy I've stayed up crying over for more nights than I can count, relied on during difficult times repeatedly, and overall devoted my time, love, and trust to. We've planned our future together, and it feels like I'm the one ripping it apart by overreacting or exaggerating. I don't even know how to stop blaming myself. I don't know if I'm valid or if I'm making this something it isn't. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

I'm terrified of women on a biblical scale. I think people think I'm joking when I say I'm scared of women. But I'm serious. Women scare me. Especially women parts. Boobs scare me. Like I don't want them near me. Don't get me started on the women's no no square, I actually get nauseous thinking about it. As someone who's trans but hasn't physically transitioned yet, I actually have deluded myself into thinking I do not have those parts. When I look in the mirror and remember I have them I actually cry and hyperventilate. I am extremely terrified of women and I think this is why I'm gay. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.