well, easily, i wanted to write it because i have a vomit fetish and i like exploring characters motivations to do things they feel like they shouldn't be doing. and im interested in aspect of dubcon re: vomit where vomit is seen as a nasty thing and pushing thru it bc youre that obsessed with getting the nut you think you deserve etc. i also tend to write puke fic in a way that it isnt intentional and somewhat innocent in the way both people just really like each other and care about each other. and i wanted to try something different where it was more sinister with a power imbalance and sick psychosexuality. but the interaction between musicians robert smith and billy corgan at an even where smith pukes in corgans shoes after trying to kiss him was the "real" inspiration. i was like yeah i could work with this - but how? then i decided writing a celebrity au would be best. inspired by celebrity life and the way people change because of it, the masks they may wear because of it, the bad things they do. it makes for a juicy situation i think. messy lives of celebrities and all the things they do and try to get away with as inspo i guess. to fuel the psychosexual and selfish motivations i wanted to explore.

i usually have a hard time setting things like this in "canon" because i always think "HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT" lmao 😭

yes i would say that - he doesnt allow himself to do anything with men; he only sleeps with women, which he isnt attracted to bc i fully wrote him as a gay man. he has done things with men, but mostly hand and mouth stuff, and he doesnt initiate. and none of it was ever very much. jisung is not deprived whatsoever - hes beautiful and famous and out of the closet and gets whatever he wants. which is why he acts the way he does when he meets chan in person for the first time! jisung thinks he can get anything - bc he's spoiled and money and fame have made him that way. dont think hes a bad person at all but i did write him, or see him ig, as extremely disconnected from certain facets of reality.

chan is a sexual person and i think he has become hypersexual bc of how much he disallows himself from doing what he wants. he has become a real deal perverted freak. everything a man does is sexual to him. he wants it so badly but refuses to let himself have it. and he only takes it when he thinks he can erase it. i do see him as someone desperate for touch and when he and jisung fully start meeting regularly, he is extremely magnetized to him and wants anything jisung will give him. and luckily jisung is willing to do anything chan wants. but they ease into it. and jisung makes chan a bottom whore. chan wants to be used and slutted out. just takes a little bit of hanging out w jisung to realize that. i think he really likes being a mans object of desire, bc hes so used to the other way.

im derailing sorry but yeah chans relationship with sex is complicated because he knows he enjoys it and wants and hes so dissatisfied with it in his life because hes sleeping with women instead of men. he sexualizes normal things because he has ruined his brain with porn, obsessesion, and repression. hes unhealthy with his sexualization, his porn consumption, his masturbation habits, his fantasies. bc i am me and i Love Love blah bkahsbsl i did see him having a relationship with jisung over time changes him and as feelings develop and a real relationship starts forming chan changes for the better and ends up viewing sex and men and relationships in a very good way. and his relationship with jisung is appropriate, equal, they respect each other, etc. bc i need romance or i CANTTTT do it. idc how unrealistic it is. 😭

re: chans confidence. i wrote chan being confident despite his sexual inexperience with men and his sexual repression bc i think that chan, as a character, had confidence. hes established in his career, he has money, he has connections, and he doesnt want to be seen as weak. so he will act tough and put on a front, all to keep the ruse up and the mask on.

in the most real way, it would be of chan and jisung meeting and getting to know each other, becoming friends, jisung pushing chans buttons, chan giving in. lots of cathartic sex, collaborating, lots of public appearances together, working on an EP, becoming too serious too quickly. want chan to freak out but enjoy jisung's company too much to let it go. i would want it to take place over several years honestly. i also said this before somewhere else, but chan would wait for his parents to die to be public with jisung. but they would be in a serious but secret relationship, one that jisung hints to about in his music and explicitly states he is in a relationship with someone in tons of his interviews and appearances. the ending of the fic would likely be chan grieving the loss of his parents but celebrating his public relationship with jisung, despite the precedented responses on it.