[20/02/24] (part one) oh !! i’m so glad you noticed, there is a significance behind it. on one hand, it is a seolwon fic about hyunjung trying to make sense of debuting without dawon. but on the other, it also follows khj’s debut journey and how she’s trying to navigate who she is as a person (hyunjung) and the idol she needs to be (seola).

as hyunjung, she’s half stuck in the past, stuck on dawon and everything she wishes they could’ve done even though it was never her fault that dawon dropped out - there’s this part in the second song i referenced for the fic that basically summarizes hyunjung’s feelings here: i’m still sorry even though i know it’s not my fault [...] even if you thought that leaving was the only choice to make, i can’t help but wish that you chose to stay.

however, khj also needs to learn how to be seola - an idol who is part of wjsn, the oldest among her members. she has responsibilities, which you can catch glimpses of here and there with how she can’t be the “weakest link” as the oldest, how she comforts dayoung etc.. she might not be the leader, but there is a burden that she bears, especially when the youngest members are not even adults yet. additionally, while there is guilt to achieving the dream she shared with dawon alone, seola recognizes how she can’t just be stuck on the past like this. while she might’ve wanted to debut with dawon, that ultimately didn’t happen and she can’t change that. it’s unfair on her members for her to be unhappy just because they aren’t dawon - it’s not their fault. it’s not that khj’s love is finite and she has to be split between dawon and the rest - even as she learns to perform with wjsn as a group, she doesn’t and will not love dawon any less. but, as the fic says, “this is who she has now, her team to conquer the stage with, and she can [learn to] be happy with that.”

that’s why in all the interwoven flashbacks and when she’s checking her phone for dawon’s text back, khj is only ever referred to as hyunjung. but when she’s on stage, being an idol, she’s seola (aside from the first section, where she’s still getting used to the idea of it). that’s why the other members are referred to by their stage names as well - although i imagine that as they grow closer over time, hyunjung will rever to thinking of them as their real names, at least off camera.

as a side note, the other members would know about dawon’s existence, but they don’t feel her absence as keenly as khj. they did all train together, since dawon dropped out very close to debut, but in this universe none of them were as close to her as hyunjung - trainees come and go, not everyone makes the cut. but hyunjung and dawon dreamed of debuting together. and at the end of the day, hyunjung is the only one who is shining on stage. i’m not sure if this was clear, but the final image attachment from dawon was a photo taken from the back row of khj on stage.