my struggles as someone who presents both disorders is…♡♡ ①：social alienation resulted from my lack of empathy. at times I will be scolded & told my actions are morally repulsive, be excluded from friend groups over it, deal w judgment… which do cause me confusion bc I genuinely cannot put myself in someone's shoes & I often believe what I’m doing to be completely normal until I’m called out on it.

②：compulsive lying & risk taking.. It is done even when there is no gain whatsoever. I feel boredom to an anxiety indulging degree, which makes me eager to make impulsive decisions out of desire for adrenaline.

③： my hpd symptoms overlap, causing me an unhealthy fixation with attention & praise. while I may be egotistical enough to not view others on the same level as me, my inability to form emotional bonds inflict distressing loneliness upon me.. therefore, I crave unconditional love from the people around me as a means for control.

④： relationships are often transactional & therefore viewed as shallow. forming a genuine, altruistic bond is rare for me to do so. I usually can only keep people in my life as long as they bring me some form of benefit & I’ll return the favor. If they fail to do so, I’m quick to cut them out & lose any admiration I had for them (I have a hard time recalling any affection I might have felt about someone).

⠀what I consider positive traits in regards to such disorders is that ①： I am excellent at masking❕ྀི⠀my job demands me to interact with a variety of people, so I do benefit a lot from it due to how I can mold myself to charm others. ⠀⠀ ②： impulsivity & indifference towards tragedy help in specific careers.

③： I am not easily embarrassed, so risk taking decisions are not an issue. ⠀⠀ ④： although I feel rejection intensely as I have a necessity to be seen… the feelings are often… shallow? I get over them easily, so I do not suffer much from relationship failures.