one of my friends was saying this same thing, too! about interacting being easier irl. and there are a lot of real-time social cues we get irl that are just missing online. online you can't read someone's facial expression or interest level as they're speaking to you, and often you're not having an instantaneous back and forth, so the rhythm of the conversation can be strange and it's hard to tell if they took an hour to reply to you bc they got busy with something or if it's because they secretly hate you lol!! people are more confrontational and hyperbolic online too, so i think interactions can go sour faster. it's hard!

i also wanna say that like, even if i AM going around talking about community through comments or whatever, it's because that's the interaction mode i'm attached to in fandom, so ofc i specifically want to nurture it. but no one is doing anything wrong or being a bad person by not interacting with fandom like that. it's fine to lurk, and i'm not judging anyone who does it! i spent like my first decade in fandom just lurking off and on lol! for some people, fic is a smaller and more casual part of their fan experience, or they're not In The Fandom in an intense way, or whatever. like, everyone should participate as they are willing and able, and sometimes that means not at all! but i do also think it's valuable to give people some encouragement or a nudge to try it out.