old age and no sense of self awareness 😎👉🏼👉🏼

hiiiiiiiiiieeee :D

i think that there is so much affection evident in the music - not just lyrically and conceptually, but in how it's crafted and delivered. vernon's affection for minghao and minghao's anticipatory love language and indulgences (in ways we don't see with many other members - maybe woozi, musically at least, and seungkwan?) i think only rivals the kind of quiet affection we see between wonwoo and seungcheol (i can think of a couple other pairings but i think it's that same level of playful indulgence where the dongsaeng gets to really BE the dongsaeng, you know?)

anyway i like them and i need to loop stardust and 54321 liftoff and Think A Lot

i'm trying to see anything here that isn't how small and closed off csc is and feels especially compared to every other member. this is around jp debut i think? thanks era? and he just looks so tired and stressed. he mentions that he must have been stressed writing his letter, but god. i think that whatever he's done since his hiatus saved him, because i think that this small baby would've cracked under the weight of who he thought he needed to be (and did.)

having that perspective, it's also interesting to think about how this jeonghan hasn't yet started learning japanese, therefore taking on more leadership responsibilities. i think that they shoulder the weight of being the eldest members feels most evident here (joshua in a very different way, to me) but it's imbalanced and it makes me wonder like. how much of their current closeness had to be pried from perdition to become who they are to each other.

but yeah i think that the acknowledgment that this could be the end so let's work hard is a recurring theme but there's also the reassurance that has come with time, where jeonghan reminds seungcheol that no matter what happens, they'll still have reach other. gay people.

this year i mostly listened to the challengers and tmnt soundtracks, i also listen to the spider-verse soundtracks and the new billie eilish album and a LOOOTTTT of pop punk or metal. nightlife, bilmuri, pinkslip, let's get it, issues, gideon, silent planet, etc. a good amount of stuff was written while listening to the new twenty one pilots this year, too!

i'm either listening to music or watching a tv show in the background or laying in bed in complete silence. no in between.

how many kudos this year - 1651. i also hit 500 subs like 2 months ago? which is crazy to me. i would do a giveaway but i have overcommitted myself to things once again

you're asking ME what pairing i've written the most this year...... come on now

pairing i want to explore: been thinking about verhao a lot lately and also gyusol and there's nothing legally stopping me from writing vergyuhao so.....

i also want to write a jun ship saur bad... i've somehow made it this far without writing seokhao... idk. i need to return to my roots of writing rare pairs like i'm making myself insane

which work has the most comments: i THINK it's break you down. https://archiveofourown.org/works/49981135

writing a wip is so lonely sometimes! i've been trying to trust myself more and just . let things take shape, which sometimes gets met with radio silence, but this getting the reception it's gotten so far is nice :')

collaborative works: well first and foremost there isn't a single fic of mine that doesn't have a friend ensuring me it's not bad and no i should not delete my ao3 account and move to the boonies so jot that down.

i've been picking at a series that lovker and i are writing but nothing has been published! if i have time next year i want to try to lasso some people into writing fics within the same universe as a fun writing challenge....

how many works published this year: 25. i wanted to post <10 this year. imagine my horror

i'm going to send u a pic of me literally tearing up rn don't think i won't (ilu)

real fudanshi enjoyers!!!!!!!

today i nearly fell off my bike in spin class so i needed this thank u

3. ship you could be Deranged about if you gave it more attention

i think if i started building my Case for jeonghao i could probably power a sun and make it implode on itself and wipe out surrounding planets. same with junhan.

7. ship you haven't written for yet but you have Worms

minghao ships are slow creeping on me rn. seokhao has been whispering to me like the green goblin mask and i'm honestly surprised i've made it this far technically never writing seokhao. like i've done 2/3 97z.... haven't attempted a 97 line fic either.... hmmmmm

10. favorite same-age ship

was watching that video of svt reacting to big bang and the way seokhao played off each other was really fun and cute :( jihan has also started to creep up on me bc they're such bitches to each other.... luv that

mcfly.... haven't heard that name in years....

1. current Brainworm inducing ship

i answered soongyuhao, wonboo, and gyucheol last time but this time around it is junsol, verhao, and seokhancheol but configured in a very different way than the last 3 years (i cannot explain it but it IS different esp in a canon context)

9. fav woozi ship

and i'm glad u asked actually ! (i am rereading all of alice's fics rn for research and also bc i owe her comments) i have been insane about seokhoon for so long i'm actually annoyed at myself for not writing them yet, but and you Know how i feel about this but vernon/woozi... underrated.....delicious....very good imho. i think goes hand in hand with the verhao actually

full disclosure i am not rly a sweets person but if you are a sticky rice person i highly recommend biko https://www.thekitchn.com/biko-recipe-23147831

if you are filipino and looking at me like girl be serious i love these minimalist baker vegan brownies https://minimalistbaker.com/simple-vegan-brownies/

i also like baked apples with brown sugar and cinnamon (super easy! just add a little lemon juice and a pinch of salt).

this is so sweet thank you! if i'm perfectly honest, miscalculated's one bedroom in seoul was The fic that felt like... i understood woozi pov and it felt tangible. their work genuinely makes me feel like i'm being challenged. to dig up something deeper and more raw, and they have been an incredible source of support over the years. so to put me on the same level as them when i feel like i have so much to learn from them is 😭 (also i'm sending this to them rn.)

i've been revisiting my favorite woozi writers (junos, miscalculated, checkyeshoshi, to name a few!!) and i've started things that have yet to be finished so we'll see 😬 i get nervous about povs i haven't written even if it's with members i've written a lot of lol

in/frequency is a distant but related reference to oxenfree, my favorite video game. it's a visual novel-esque platformer that relies heavily on radio frequencies to progress the story. my original username on this side of the internet was also oxenfree related, then i was briefly gunhobi (my first kpop fic i wrote was a very short hopekook fic!), then illfvted (posted my first svt fics with this username), and became infrequency sometime in 2020.

i have two other active ao3 accounts, thwip and... a secret hiding in plain sight hehe

there is this.... vampire diaries inspired wonhan/gyuhancheol fic that i started back in 2021 where jeonghan is an original, wonwoo is an evil ex killing people, coups is a fledgling in love with a werewolf (mingyu) who doesn't know yet that mg's bite could kill him. i know this is an amended plotline from tvd because there is nothing i love more than a media au that i make my own but rnrjdjfjr. there are so many arcs in tvd that i loved but i do think i could do better.

anyway:

If Jeonghan’s heart could still beat, it would pound now at the ghost of Wonwoo’s breath, sweet and icy against his skin for the first time in years.

“He's not coming back,” Wonwoo says, mouth so close to Jeonghan’s neck that each movement of his lips feels like a kiss delivered at the end of a stake. “You'd do well to remember it. I can do worse than kill you.”

Lips curling, Jeonghan snarls in his direction, snapping Wonwoo’s hand away from his waist. He can feel the bones splinter under his thumb, taking pleasure in seeing some sort of emotion on his face after half a century.

“I lived for a millennia before you,” comes out in a low hiss. The fracture will take longer to repair when it comes from him for two reasons, one small salvation to bask in. “You and I? We are nothing.”

unfortunately that is not a wip that is the original version of my existing 22k fic and brother.... i'm not writing that trope again for A While. however, seokhancheol is my core ot3 ship that i always come back to, and idk maybe i'll recycle that scene for something else

original bf for hire angle was that jeonghan was the one who set them up.... imagine Knowing the person you have a crush on is setting you up with their sloppy seconds bc you've heard them going at it through the walls..... dk is stronger than the marines

"You paid for my drink the other day," Seokmin says thinly, putting on his fakest smile. It was a nice moment, having someone turn around and offer to pay for your coffee. The moment's now tainted by a 178 cm conniving snake who's hellbent on getting him a date. "Nice to formally meet you." He tries to not sound deadpan, but it comes out dry. Jeonghan shoots him a look, one that tells him to play nice so he manages a smile, one that doesn't quite meet his eyes. Seungcheol's eyes go wide in recognition, connecting the dots. "Oh! Oh well, hi again," Seungcheol says, looking from Jeonghan back to Seokmin. "Guess we don't have to lie about how we met, at least." Seokmin sinks back against the seat cushions, frowning at Jeonghan over his boba. "You said you'd stop bothering me about it!" It's Seungcheol's turn to frown at Jeonghan. "You said he was game." Jeonghan gives him a withering stare, one that only comes with years of history. Whatever it says, Seungcheol gives in and leans back against the seat himself, arms crossed tightly around his chest. His pout is kind of endearing, Seokmin will give him that.

i found this suuuuper old (mid 2020? anything pre-2022 is a particular Flavor of unmedicated and crazy) snippet from a gyuhancheol ghost au that i kinda gave up on bc it was veering too into dubcon and i didn't know how i felt about that back then - may pull it out of perdition bc i do still like the Thought of it

jeonghan is a ghost haunting an apartment, scoups is. look i don't have to tell you. you know who i am. and mingyu is someone scoups picks up and jeonghan possesses him so cheol can get railed whrirnthrjtbgbr

"Tight," Jeonghan says. A heavy hand claps down on his thigh, just enough for the muscles to jump under his skin. His skin is warm against Seungcheol's, mouth hot against his neck as he sighs. "You think you can take his cock?"

the omegaverse reply i guess:

there is a version of this fic (ao3.org/works/33305047) that is a phone sex foursome (seokcheol are on the phone with them, and also fucking) (they are in a polycule) and i had handwritten it. 8 pages. i couldn't read a single word of it because i had written it in shorthand and so fucking sloppily trying to keep up with my brain.

that fic is a gift for a friend but it was also my 2021 bday fic to myself. lmao. cannot believe that i was the first person to write omegaverse for wonhan liek gshghdskghfgjhE:/??/ i'm sorry but also you're welcome i was possessed by a demon and i wrote that damn fic in like. 5 hours. on the clock. at work. in my office. next to my manager.

also despite my Known negative feelings wrt a/b/o i do have a wip idea that would also be an ot3 tag origination, and it's inspired by like, 3 similar fics i read in a different fandom like 6 years ago and haven't seen anyone do in krpf yet so. be the change or whatever. tl;dr tfw ur ex and their current partner see you through ur rut xoxo

i also have a mostly written yoonkook a/a fic in my scrivener that i'm ?????????????? about characterization bc i started it in late 2020/early 2021 and i'm sure it's FINE but it's also like. not what i would want from a fic like this so it stays in there....unseen.... the person who prompted it has seen it but no one else needs to see it

current wip working titles are:

you believe me like a god, i destroy you like i am // a fortune for your disaster // but i do, i finally do // regret me // stumble through heaven

i have three other wips that haven't started forming well enough to have a working title. stumble through heaven, a Dom for rent fic, is my longest (existence-wise) wip and the outline is...mostly written, and there are only about 3 scenes fleshed out.

back in 2020 when the r&j johnjae magazine shoot dropped i went a little insane and started writing this like. blind date au where they hook up after and it's terrible and they're both faking that they know what they're doing and it's gksdhgsdklghfdskgsdgh

all that's left of it now is this screenshot i found in my texts. i have a feeling a lot of my responses to these will be from snippets i sent to friends via text

"i think you like you like it," johnny doesn't respond, just presses into his touch. "it's okay, i like when people are mean to me, too," jachyun adds as an afterthought, flattening his hand against him, feeling him get harder through the material. panting. warm. the words feel foreign when they leave his mouth. cheap. johnny makes a groaning sound that makes his movements stutter.

"shut up, don't speak, oh my god — just," his hands slide up the front of jaehyun's chest, shoving the fabric down his shoulders wordlessly before moving to dispose of his own. jaehyun leans up on his elbows, tugging his shirt all the way off, letting it fall off the side of the bed. johnny drags his bottom lip between his teeth, dark eyes flicking down to the waistband of his pants. if he were a little braver, jachyun would listen to the voice in his head that tells him to make johnny beg.