TW suicidal thoughts

gosh idk why i luv him so much i have close friend who literally the best friend i could ever ask for hes so sweet and caring hes also always trying his best for making me happy and being there for me

i did kinda confess to him because i was honest with him abt my feelings on him and he kinda ignore it and told me dont get into relationships for my own personal life. me and him meet up a lot he also every close to me so meetup isnt a problem, he also bought me early bday gift disk album one of my favorite singers and also listening to my favorites songs :3 also he started playing pjsk just because me and ALSO bought NA account in genshin just for play with me !!

i talked with my mom about him and told her about my feelings on him and shes told me maybe hes have too but just still confused (i hope so (╥‸╥))

me and him share a lot interests and opinions also ships, also i told him i was thinking abt ending my life because personal stress and paranoia and hes said "i dont care, you are dont gonna kill yourself", "i dont want you to get hurt", "i want you to stay my friend, i want you to keep growing with me and for us to be in touch i don't want you to kill yourself" and a lot more hes also know about me getting harassed by few people and hes also mad about our shitty police.

hes perfect i luv him so much more then myself (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) we even made playlist together and he already added more songs then me. me and him kinda exes but we stayed in touch and my feelings on him never ended because i see the real him and always supporting him meanwhile people finding him weird also few my friends saw him as weird and i told them hes not and how much hes nice and caring.

i talks about him A LOT with other mutual friends of me and him and with other friends of mine, i wish me and him will be together we even said we are duo.