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When the world needed them the most, they appeared. I'm sorry for bugging you on this, and I hope nothing I'm saying is triggering problems for you. I feel like there's a few more details I should disclose. As you know, I'm part of a system. I severely doubt that these thoughts are originating from the innerworld, though, as it's been almost completely cut off and I still don't know why. In simple terms, I believe the thoughts are coming from me me and not one of the other mes. Also, I'm actually a boredom eater. I will snack because I need to chew on something, and I'd rather chew on food than chew pencils until they break apart in my mouth and keep going like I did as a little kid. But I haven't really done that in a while, which is good. In addition, I have a weird appetite thing going on that ties in to what you said. I can be hungry and then take a few bites and hit a wall. What I don't ever admit is that I'm still hungry. It's just that, for some reason, I can't make myself keep eating. Again, I have no idea why. I just had breakfast, which felt very perfunctory considering it was pão de sal (salt bread idk what it's called in english) with bananas and I love that? Pão de sal with bananas is one of my favorite breakfast meals but I found no interest in it One last thing, I have considered the possibility that I have a problem with people watching me eat and commenting on what I eat. Not sure why, though, as I've never really had anyone food shame me to cause such a feeling.
hello! your older sibling is a professional eating disorder haver since they were 13 so i feel qualified to answer.
It seems to me (and this is written from an anorexic's perspective so don't get scared... I'm biased towards catastrophe) that you are passively avoiding food because you passively think you can't have it (referencing those thoughts where you tell yourself that). It happened to me a lot in recovery and I called them "passive relapses". I began eating less, but I wasn't actively thinking I had to eat less — I was just eating less because passively, my subconscious acted on the basis that I needed to restrict my food intake. If you have low self-esteem, that might be happening to you too; even if you don't have any active issues with food, you might still be driven subconsciously to eat less due to bad self/body -image.
The kinshift could also come into play — I'm speaking from experience, and I only have experience with eds, not kinshifts — but I'd say that it is a bit of a stretch for you to be refusing such a basic necessity (that is eating) because of anything other than disordered habits.
I'd recommend, however, for more introspection, to sit down and think before you eat. Focus on your hunger. Recognize that you feel hungry, and then see if your first instinct is eating (without guilt). If your first instinct is to deny yourself the food, or if you eat shamefully, check in with yourself and what your thinking process is when you deny yourself the food. That might help pinpoint the reason more accurately and personally.
Take care, dear! I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I hope what I've typed up is of some use to you.