Idk my eating behavoirs have been so weird... I keep avoiding food and I don't know why? Like I am hesitant to sit down at the table and eat a proper meal and I get mad whenever someone says I should. I feel hungry and yet I don't want to eat at all. I don't really understand why. So I'm looking for a paragraph guy
Important things:
First, weight. I'm underweight by like 44 lbs last I checked. I don't really have a problem with my appearance. Sometimes I'm looking at my food and I think "you can't have any more" or "you're too fat" but like I know that's not really what I think. I don't really care about that.
Secondly, I'm nonhuman and I might be having a kinshift. For context, Sunai dislike human food and need to eat souls to fulfill themselves. That could explain why I'm hungry but refusing to eat. (Yes I'm aware that this is a stretch but I'm at a loss here so forgive me for grasping at straws)
Can someone tell me if I'm going insane or not. Thank you
(If you don't know what a paragraph guy is, it's someone who basically writes a paragraph comment to properly explain something. Some people are spiteful and say "I ain't reading allat" but paragraph guys are genuine lifesavers)
hello! your older sibling is a professional eating disorder haver since they were 13 so i feel qualified to answer.
It seems to me (and this is written from an anorexic's perspective so don't get scared... I'm biased towards catastrophe) that you are passively avoiding food because you passively think you can't have it (referencing those thoughts where you tell yourself that). It happened to me a lot in recovery and I called them "passive relapses". I began eating less, but I wasn't actively thinking I had to eat less — I was just eating less because passively, my subconscious acted on the basis that I needed to restrict my food intake. If you have low self-esteem, that might be happening to you too; even if you don't have any active issues with food, you might still be driven subconsciously to eat less due to bad self/body -image.
The kinshift could also come into play — I'm speaking from experience, and I only have experience with eds, not kinshifts — but I'd say that it is a bit of a stretch for you to be refusing such a basic necessity (that is eating) because of anything other than disordered habits.
I'd recommend, however, for more introspection, to sit down and think before you eat. Focus on your hunger. Recognize that you feel hungry, and then see if your first instinct is eating (without guilt). If your first instinct is to deny yourself the food, or if you eat shamefully, check in with yourself and what your thinking process is when you deny yourself the food. That might help pinpoint the reason more accurately and personally.
Take care, dear! I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I hope what I've typed up is of some use to you.