There are these times where I feel as if I'm falling apart over every remote inconvenience. I feel like everything I say and do is my fault. As if I'm poison. I feel so unbearably horrible for every time I come off as insensitive, rude, harsh, wrong. I hate it. I get stifled and drown in my own self hatred. And it feels so childish. I hate that I hate the feeling, too, because some part of me believes I deserve to suffer. I don't know why. I feel as if every friendship/relationship I develop isn't real, as if everything is temporary. I long to feel as if I mean something to someone, anyone, but I don't. I feel horrible for that, too. Seeking validation, perhaps? It's ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. I should eat and sleep.