I know I joke about being mentally ill a lot but that's because I literally cannot be super serious about it or I will spiral. I hate being like this. I'm so dysfunctional. I cannot be a functioning member of society. I will likely not be able to be completely independent as an adult. I feel so bad. My friend made a cake. He inspired me, and I finally got a little motivation to make some real food for myself and properly take care of myself and I feel sick now because that's the bare minimum and I can't even do that consistently. And I think one of my other friends is disappointed that I didn't do more and I tried to explain that I struggle a lot with self-care even though logically speaking nothing they said indicated any kind of disappointment. And yet on an emotional level I can't help but feel that everyone is dissatisfied with me in some capacity, and I can't help but wonder, what if I truly am incompetent? What if I'm just trying to justify everything because I can't stand the thought of being seen as lazy?